My hubby and I are very worried about the future. Not just because of the economy, but because of the children. There are so many selfish, messed-up parents out there. I posted about problems with the gene pool back in July, and I feel even more strongly about it now.
Yesterday, we sat in a booth having breakfast next to some young people. The young man--probably early 20s--was talking about how his girlfriend got him back (after breaking up) several times by telling him she was pregnant, but she wasn't. Yes, his father knew he sometimes slept over at the girlfriend's house. GOOD GRIEF! Obviously, this young man has no respect for women--why should he? The young women seems to have no respect for herself. And where were her parents? To these booth neighbors, it was all a joke.
A slightly older female was there too, with a small boy probably not two years old. I couldn't tell if she was his mother, but I think she was a sister to the young man. The whole time we were there, she spoke five words to the child. Meanwhile, she discussed having her tongue pierced again, the young man's sex life, and various social activities. The little boy ate potato chips (they must have brought them) and stood quietly, nose running. I guess he's used to being left out of things.
Then, the article in the paper about the 11-year-old boy who killed his father's pregnant girlfriend. Our first thoughts were about what a horrible life that boy probably had. What kind of situation would cause an 11-year-old (we have a grandson that age, and I spent 18 years in classrooms filled with them) to think that was his only option? His own family torn up--there was no mention of a mother--but a women moves in with two small children and takes his father away too. I read today that the jail where he is locked up is trying to get him moved to a juvenile facility--I should hope so, he's 11!
I'm not a person who thinks we can take care of everyone; I don't believe in absolving people from their own stupid choices. However, I do think children deserve care and consideration. Too many narcissistic parents are disregarding their children's feelings and/or discarding their responsibilities. Children are very perceptive, and we are going down a very dangerous road toward a future where entire generations will have no good parenting role models:
Everyone does what feels good at the time.
Who cares what others think?
I want what I want and I deserve it.
If I can get it, it's mine.
What will become of them?
10 comments:
Hi JoAnne,
Just thought I'd check in and say hello! I love hearing about what you have been up to and think about.
Hope you don't mind if I share my two cents about this topic.
It is heartbreaking to see children neglected and abused as often as they are in today's culture. However, I truly do believe that there are (and hopefully always will be) amazing parents who teach their children to be kind, thoughtful, intelligent human beings. As a teacher, I saw parents I admired a great deal and parents that should never have been given that responsibility (and everything in between). But for every disgusting example of parenting, there are many parents in the background raising superb kids.
It can be discouraging to think about the world my children and your grandchildren are growing up in, but I feel that there is reason to have great hope when we see what our kids can accomplish.
Shame on those parents who obviously do not care for, or even know how to care for, their children. Hopefully they will have teachers, counselors, or other positive adult role models to teach and love them- we can all fill that role.
Maybe I am too much of an idealist. Things have definitely gotten ugly, but there are lots of GREAT kids being raised to be strong leaders and productive citizens.
I send mega dito's to this one! I always want to take kids away from their stupid parents, but like you said you can't save everyone. It is pretty frightening to observe people in public these days and see that it is every where! So sad, and irritating knowing those kids will have kids like them and so on. It is hard to stop that cycle of horrible parenting and lack of morals and love.
I guess all we can do is make sure we are good examples to our little ones be their our own children or others kiddies or our grandkids. There has always been good and bad parents in the world but we have more media to highlight the bad ones unfortunately.
I'm extremely fortunate to live in an area where concerned parents and kind, interactive families are the norm. It's reassuring and comforting to see so much confidence and goodness in the youth being raised in our neighborhood environment.
But, my husband was a therapist for decades. He worked most of the time with court adjucated young people. We took in foster children for years... It was so very disheartening to work with the parents??? of most of the children we had in our home. They aged from 8 yrs to 17 yrs and the majority of them were some pretty hard core kids when they came to us. I hesitate to call the people that gave them birth, parents... they had NO parenting skills and really, for the most part, weren't interested in learning any. So many of them just don't seem to want help. Other than being handed money from one government program or another, they don't want to be bothered. We just saw too much of it, "up close and personal". Wayne would work with a child for months and after only a week of being back with their dads and/or moms, they'd be right back at square one. If he'd try therapy sessions as a family, the whole hour would be pointing a finger at the kid and all of his/her faults...mom and dad yelling or pouting about how the kid had messed up "our lives" They had a "you take em and fix em" attitude. It especially broke my heart to see how many of the youngest of the children that we worked with were so hungry to be loved by their parents....and how protective they would try to be of them. So much more so than the parents were of the child. This waned as they aged, and rejection and heartache continued to be heaped up on them.
I see a 13 year old boy and his 15 year old girlfriend with their baby... proud grandparents standing in the background... and it's all I can do to keep my lunch down.
I know there are wonderful mothers and fathers out there. I know there are well adjusted, secure young people in the local schools and communities of our nation. As I said, I live among them. But, they are two few. And it worries and saddens me as well. Oh, yeah... I shouldn't forget to mention that I get angry about it now and then... I try not to be judgemental, but, it's a losing battle, I'm afraid.
I can only imagine how difficult it was as a teacher to see some of the struggles that the young people in your classes had to go through. They grow too old, too soon growing up in a world colored in shades of gray.
This post makes me sad. My mom has a girl in her class whose mother just died of a drug overdose. What is to become of this little 9 year old? What would have become of her if her mother had lived? It seems that some kids don't have a chance.
People can have children and neglect or abuse them..it is very sad..
Your concerns here are so valid, Jo. I taught high school, but my friends who taught elementary school often mentioned the special programs now needed...and the expense of these programs...for children who come from environments like your post describes.True, there are many good, responsible parents, but the ones who are irresponsible seem to be over-the-top irresponsible.
"What will become of them?", sums it up. I too often watch and wonder if we can ever get the younger generation going in the right direction. There are not enough positive role models around these days. So so sad.
This is so sad, Jo. I don't know what else to say. What will become of these poor children? What kind of parents will they become? I think we know.
It's a huge problem. And the foster system is needing a major overhaul, also. I have no answers. I think parenting classes should be mandatory.
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